I'm beginning to question what life is about? Why are we living it anyway? Is everything a lie? I hate life now. I'm just numb to everything. I feel like crying. I want to yell out loud. I need something that will take everything away. Is it love or is it lust? Does love even exist? Is there a better life for me without? Why am I under this stress now? I'm just 18 years old. I can't take this. I wanna break down. Are all the good things that happen just coincidental? Why is everything coming to me at one go? All the flaws I see and hear of in one day. I can't make out white from black now. I just don't know what to believe any more. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I want to sleep. Sleep and never ever wake up.

I wanted to make this post a really really happy one, but i find myself being unable to do so. There's like never ending things to do, and I NEED TO BREATHE! What am I doing all these for anyway? What ARE my priorities? It's getting more and more difficult to draw the line.

Sigh.

Anyway, on a lighter note, my 18th birthday just past and I had quite a nice day. Andre, Isaac, John, KC and Eileen gave me a surprise early in the morning at around 9plus, 10am. I was reading the newspapers and some schoolwork in the living room when the four of them came. I was like, "What the..." I haven't had my shower, some strands of hair defied gravity, and I was dressed so shabby, it just felt damn weird. Well, and a lil' embarrassed. After all the "Happy 18th Birthday!" and some 'Pat tze'-ing, I immediately went upstairs to change into a shirt and a pair of jeans, and I wet my hair a little too, in hope that my hair would abide by the law of gravity, and went downstairs again. There was cake, the birthday song, joking, more pat tze-ing(*sigh*), and some picture taking. KC had to leave for his training and Andre had to go for class. Eileen, John and Isaac stayed on for lunch. We spent most of the afternoon watching movies. Andre came back after his lessons over at Mediacorp and joined all of us, including my family and Grandma, for a scrumptious dinner. My family gave me a second round of cake and song afterward. :)

Thanks for coming down guys. :)
Oh, and thanks for the sling bag from Andre, Isaac, John, KC, and Priscilla,
and thanks for the cool watch from my Baby! :)
Jie got me a drum bag too. I've been wanting this one. Heh.

On Sunday, Clarice gave me a book as a present too. I've read a little already, and it's really good. Titled, "Everyday Deserves A Chance" by Max Lucado. MmmHmm!

A big thanks also to those who sent me birthday greetings on friendster and by SMS. Thanks guys. I really appreciated it. :)

I've got some pictures to share, but I don't have the time now. Oh and Andre, Kc, Isaac, John, send me the pictures if they're in your phone yah? Thanks!

I'll put the pictures up soon. Watch this space!

I never took planning so seriously before. Long term planning, to be exact. Not until Eileen knocked some sense into me. Yup, no one said life was gonna be easy. Full of ups and downs it is. Feeling rather down tonight. Couldn't get to sleep. Guess I was just thinking too much. Better try to get some sleep. I've gotta be up early, and it's gonna be a long day tomorrow.

"So do not not worry about tomorrow; it has enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day bring." Matthew 6:34

"But for you who obey me, my saving power will rise on you like the sun, and bring healing like the sun's rays. You will be as free and happy as calves let out of a stall." Malachi 4:2 , Good News Bible.

"Bring the full amount of your tithes to the Temple, so that there will be plenty of food there. Put me to the test and you will see that I will open the windows of heaven and pour out on you in abundance all kinds of good things." Malachi 3:10 , Good News Bible.

"So do not not worry about tomorrow; it has enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day bring." Matthew 6:34 , Good News Bible.